The depths of depression can swallow us whole.
In the book of Jonah, Jonah runs from the Lord. Now we don’t know the exact reason why, but we know that he was swallowed by a fish and remained there for 3 days and 3 nights.
I’d like to say that going into depression is like running from what the Lord told me to do. It’s not that I’m doing it on purpose, but it’s still happening. So how exactly do I get back to my purpose when I feel so drained, when I feel no motivation or excitement for anything?
I know I should be praying my way out of it, but for some reason I can’t always do so.
I often feel far away from him, and the longer I put off talking to him the more I feel like I can’t go back to him. I feel ashamed for ignoring the things he’s told me to do and I’ve subconsciously told myself I have no right to turn to him.
Now I do try to pray, I pray at night to him, but I don’t feel like it’s working. It’s more of forcing myself to pray because I know I should.
Depression is a slippery slope, and even when you know you’re in it it’s so very hard to escape and even harder to allow yourself to escape.
When you’ve ignored all responsibilities because you can’t mentally handle it, you then become more upset and more avoidant because it’s gotten worse.
How do I get out of this loop of avoidance and depression, when I feel I can’t pray my way out of it? I don’t know, but I’m going to try by writing all the things I’m called to do by God, so that maybe when I feel down and out I can read it and hopefully pull myself back up. I’m also going to reason with myself. I know I often feel like I can’t achieve the things I’m called to for whatever reasons the devil has put in my mind, so I’m going to answer my own doubts in advance.
I’m called to:
- Write songs and sing.
- I might not be the best right now but I need to practice to get there. I will be a great singer one day and I can not let my doubt stop me from unlocking that skillset.
- Help other people out of depression and other strongholds/hardships.
- I have to be depressed at times, I have to face these challenges to help others face them. Write about how I’m feeling, share it.
- Create a community of individuals who are creative, talented, and inspirational, get us to build eachother up and help each other through these tough times.
- It may not be together yet, but it will be. I need to keep on sharing scripture and bible studies, encouraging people and helping them through hardships and encouraging them to join my community so we can build something great. I can’t succeed if I’ve already mentally quit due to fear of failure.
- Help other people to heal through literary materials. Through books and journals.
- I can design things, and I have great ideas for creating self-help/guide journals and materials to help people gain motivation and pull themselves out of these hard times like what I’m going through. How can I help people if I’m ignoring my calling?
- Bringing people to freedom.
- Helping other Christians who know God but are stuck in the feeling of not being worthy.
I go through this to better help others facing the same challenges, I can’t do that if I’ve mentally quit due to my own challenge. I’m not alone, I’m not the only one, and I can fight this.
We face mental illness, and the doubt, feelings of hopelessness and being unworthy, ect.. They do come from the devil, but God said in Romans 8:28
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
So maybe my struggle came from the devil, but my purpose is to use my struggle and my ability to relate to other people to deliver them from it. We can do this guys, we just have to work together, and remember that even in our darkest times- it can be used for God’s purpose.